I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
