next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
