if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Randomize
