cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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