And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
