Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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