4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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