apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Randomize
