Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
