I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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