Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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