put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
