My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
