I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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