my soul wont recognize me after tonight
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
