it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
It's just like the Real World with babies
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
