Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
