If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
