I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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