Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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