Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
