I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
