If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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