btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I am naked and annoyed.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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