Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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