Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
