I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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