she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
