Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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