I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
