i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
