i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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