Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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