you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
