What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
