I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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