you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
