Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
