I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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