I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
