Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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