Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
