hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize