my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
