Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
