we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
He told me they were just razor bumps!
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
