wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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