you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
