Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
