If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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