Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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