When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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