Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
