Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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