Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
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you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
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Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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