Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I wear drunk well.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
