you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
