I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
