I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
