Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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