i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
